Quick Thoughts (rant on religious indoctrination)

 Okay I've wasted a lot of time trying to figure this blogging stuff out but I need to go actually do stuff now. However I wanted to make one more post just for funsies!!

It's genuinely so frustrating how deeply ingrained (or is it engrained, IDK) mormonism is into who I am today. Indoctrination and brainwashing are real I can tell you that much. And what do I mean by that?

For example, not sure if you know but mormons tend to be very passive-aggressive. Like if I said I hated going to the temple, one might respond "I learn something new everytime, it's so spiritually healing". Implying I am not smart enough or connected to god enough to comprehend this wisdom. And it's the most annoying thing ever. But I am a massive hypocrite because I am STILL passive-aggressive. I'll be honest in saying I haven't tried that hard to stop or made any focused efforts. However, it genuinely is difficult when everyone around you growing up was like that. I don't even notice sometimes until someone else points it out. 

I also just want to say I'm not saying I can't change, because I can. But that doesn't mean it's easy to reprogram my brain. Which is one reason I hate religion. You are told the same messages over and over and over in your most formative years. Eventually that just becomes your truth. And when they want you to only be surrounded by like-minded individuals, that's all you know. There is no other way, only their way. 

Anyways, I said I needed to be quick lol. Another example is how they teach you to "doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith". Anything that goes against mormonism is instantly labelled as "the adversary" AKA satan. And I really mean everything. Like if you have anxiety about going to the temple they literally think that is the devil getting in your head. Healthy, right? And if you have any questions about their core doctrine, the answer is always "we just aren't meant to know in this lifetime". Our dumb little human brains couldn't possibly understand the truth so we just have to blindly trust everything they say because it'll all make sense when we die... convenient. While I no longer believe the devil is obsessed with corrupting me (fun), I still doubt myself a LOT. And I credit that to mormonism 100%.

One last thing before I go - my perfectionism. I'm gonna need to make a whole post about that someday. But for now I'll try to keep it brief. Yes mormons say we can never be perfect and blah blah blah. They can say that all they want, and say that they never expect perfection, but that doesn't mean it's true. The amount of rules they have and guidelines they set on members is insane. And if you don't follow them all "it's fine", except it's not. You have to repent. Beg for forgiveness. Change your evil ways. Confess your sins. And everyone is judging you, even if they say they aren't. "Can you believe her shorts are so short, she's not wearing her garments" - a real thing I have heard. And that's not uncommon. The church itself has created a culture of perfectionism that judges anyone who falters. Regardless of the lies people tell you, religious people are so judgmental. Sure there are exceptions, but I'm not talking about that right now. Oh man I need to make a whole post about how mormonsim cultivates perfectionists, so I guess I'll end it here. I didn't realize how much I had to say about that.

Until next time