Girl Leave Him...

 I lowkey forgot I had a blog until I was inspired just now to write, so hello again! 

I have been seeing a lot of discourse on Emily Kiser lately (don't worry I'm actually not gonna talk about her at all really). If you haven't heard of her before a quick summary is that last year-ish her husband let their 3 year old son outside without supervision. The son fell in the pool and sadly passed away. The discourse is mainly about neglect, that they don't seem to care about their son passing away, and stuff like that. 

I saw a tik tok of a girl mentioning how she can't believe Emily Kiser is having a baby with her husband after their son died under his care, and said "how can you even look at him after that?" What I'm trying to get at here is something I commonly see/hear online - people judging others (usually women) for staying in relationships with a man who is toxic/subpar/low-effort/abusive/etc. 

And obviously I can understand that view. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who isn't treating you right and you know it? And why would they complain about it but still not break up with their partner? The thing is you genuinely don't know what you would do in that scenario until it happens. It's sooo easy to be on the outside and think "um if my man did that I would dump him immediately", and maybe you would. But it's possible that you wouldn't.

It's hard to understand the level of manipulation that another person is capable of until you experience it. In these scenarios, it truly feels like there is no way out. Even if you know breaking up would be the best option, it's not even a possibility. 

I was in a relationship where my partner was abusing substances. And it was a case where they were constantly under the influence to some degree. But when they were more sober, it was so good with us. As soon as they got too inebriated though, it was like I was talking to a different person. And they hated the things they did when intoxicated but just couldn't manage to stay sober.

This was genuinely one of the hardest periods of my life. I knew that this relationship was draining me. Everyone around me could tell something was off. The worst part about it was I knew that they could get better if they just got sober. And I loved this person so much, I could see the good in them. But nobody else could, obviously. Why would they? They weren't romantically involved. And I understood where they were coming from when they wanted me to break up. But I just couldn't.

It's such a difficult situation for everyone involved. And it sucks so bad. The amount of anxiety and pressure I felt constantly was insane. I didn't want to let go of this relationship because I was so in love. I wanted to help them get better (which is an impossible task btw, nobody will sober up unless they want to for themselves). I felt so alone because I couldn't talk to anyone about our relationship because they would just tell me to dump his ass. I couldn't talk to my partner about it either because they were always under the influence. And that isolation makes it even harder to remove yourself from the relationship because they slowly become all you have.

I am happy to tell you that my partner was able to get sober and things are so much better now. But that's honestly a miracle and I'm shocked I got this happy ending. I wouldn't wish that feeling of being trapped and alone on anyone. I felt like I had no control over anything in my life and that I had no way out, there was no good option. It was awful.

This writing is a little all over the place but I'll try to summarize my main point for you. It's never ever as simple as "girl just leave him", you can't imagine how many factors go into someone feeling trapped in a relationship. Yes it looks so obvious to us from outside the relationship, but try to have some empathy. I know that's also not easy especially if it's someone close to you. But for now, if you see someone online complaining about their partner, don't just comment that they should dump them. Be glad they even feel comfortable enough to share their experience, and hope that it will eventually lead them to a happy ending.

Love y'all,