Resent & Remember!

 

One of my fave tiktokers is @chronicallygirl (Scarlet Delemeny). She's the one who posts "Womp Womp Wednesday" and "Fun Fact Friday", you might have seen her before. Anyways, she posted a video about how she doesn't forgive her mother (who she is no contact with) and that it should be okay for us not to forgive. In the video she mentioned that people tend to push forgiveness and say that "it's for you, not for them" and stuff like that. 

The comments reallyyy proved her right. Everyone was mad for some reason. I'd be interested to hear some other points of view, personally I agree that forgiveness is not necessary.

I honestly do hate how people say that you need to forgive people who have done you dirty or else you will just turn into some hateful monster. I really don't think that's true. I especially don't think that's true if the other person is not apologetic at all. What is there to forgive if they aren't asking for forgiveness? There are some people who have been absolutely diabolical to me. In all honesty, I have never forgiven them. And I don't forget either. That doesn't mean they are on my mind 24/7 and causing me to seethe with anger. I forget about these losers 99% of the time, until someone brings them up and I have to tell the tale of why I can't stand that person.

Now that I think about it, what's really so bad about hating someone? Hate = To detest or dislike something or someone with great passion and negativity (according to google). I personally believe that hate is a great tool when used properly. Obviously if you are gonna go around hating on people for no good reason (ex. being racist/sexist/homophobic/etc.) then that isn't good. But if someone hurts you, and when you think about that person you feel a deep sense of hatred for what they did to you, what's wrong with that? The "bad" part just can be a result of your actions that follow the emotion. 

I don't wanna get into all the specifics but I had a situation where my friend and boyfriend (now ex) both betrayed my trust. Since I was still dating him at the time I found out, I made excuses for him and blamed it all on my friend. I stopped talking to her entirely, I was so mad. But for whatever reason I wasn't mad at my boyfriend? Even after I broke up with my boyfriend, I still didn't speak to my friend for months. I really hated her. She had tried to talk to me about it and apologized several times but I was not willing to accept it. And this was a situation where my hatred made me act poorly. I didn't do anything too crazy, I was just mean about it. One day I finally woke up and realized it was also my exes fault, maybe even more so his than hers. I reached out to her and apologized for how I had treated her and asked if she would forgive me (she did). I still regret how I treated her during that time. 

That's a situation where forgiveness actually did make me feel better. I think the key is that she was apologetic, and that I was negating her side of the story entirely. When I actually thought about the situation without feeling hatred I was able to forgive and move on. I do hate that I put her through all that over a stupid guy who didn't really care all that much about me. However, I still don't think forgiveness is always necessary.

During that time period where I wasn't speaking to my friend, I connected with this girl who I'll call Mary. Mary and my friend hated each other so I knew it would hurt her. So me and Mary would just talk shit about my friend. But let me tell you, Mary is genuinely insane. I sort of knew at the time but I was willing to look past it to get my "revenge". Fast forward a bit, Mary and I weren't that close but like we were still friends. Or I thought we were anyways. I found out that Mary told people I was spreading rumors about her (the rumor was that she cheated on her boyfriend). Now this was news to me because I hadn't even heard that rumor. But apparently I was the one spreading it? Multiple people asked me about the situation, I genuinely had no idea this was a thing. 

Turns out Mary was cheating on her boyfriend, people found out, and she decided to lie and say that it was just a rumor spread by me because I was jealous and wanted her man... Yeah. Crazy. I truly do not know what possessed her to use me in this lie because we really didn't talk at all. We didn't even hang out. Such weird behavior. And that's only one thing lol. Mary is actually a pathological liar. She lied about having a lung defect, that she was being abused by a teacher (side note - I always believe the victim but I promise you she was lying about this, there is sooo much evidence), about getting into her dream uni, to name a few. She has also just been awful to so many people I care about. AND I found out she was hooking up with my ex (yes the same one I just mentioned) right after we broke up. 

I still hate Mary (there's a whole club at this point) and I do not forgive her. But she thinks she is the victim and has done nothing wrong. She is not apologetic at all. Therefore, why should I forgive her? Me hating her isn't eating away at me because I'm not acting on it. Yeah me and my friends will talk about her but it's not talking shit, it's just us stating facts lol. 

I have much better examples of situations where people should not be forgiven but this was the first one I thought of. Like all of my posts, this is not very cohesive. But my main point is I don't think we ever "need" to forgive anyone. If it's not consuming your life, why forgive someone who isn't asking for forgiveness? (forgive sounds like a made up word now). Do whatever feels right to you, not what people tell you that you "should" do. Let's all resent and remember more often :)

Thanks for joining me again,